Welcome to ~ FOR YOUR TEARS ~ If this is your first time here I would love for you to visit my first post from June 21st, 2009 THIS COMES FROM MY HEART and also my post from February 20th, 2010 SAYING GOODBYE.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

MY EMOTIONAL CHRISTMAS EVE


I have a story to share with all of you. I was overwhelmed with emotions when I attended the Christmas Eve Candlelight Service last Friday evening. I was just a mess, holding back tears the whole time. So many emotions flowing through my heart and mind. On Christmas day I received an email from a baby lost mother (BLM) who lost her Ryan Elizabeth on November 23, 2010, she was born still. They are currently living in Germany, please feel free to visit her blog Livin' for Ryan and send her your love. She was thanking me for her handkerchief which helped her through the last month and was wishing me a Merry Christmas.

Things like this don't just happen without God being involved with each detail. I was sitting at my computer in tears reading her email and I made a decision that I wanted to share my Christmas Eve with her. This is what I wrote in my email to her:

"Thank you for including me in your wishes. I was at church last night, I always go on Christmas Eve and I was overwhelmed with emotion last night. All the children dressed in their new Christmas clothes, sweet babies in their mothers laps, grandparents with the biggest smiles loving on their grandchildren and I just started crying. All these emotions flowed through me and I was thinking of all the BLM's. I could never say I know how you feel but last night I came really close because I seemed to be mourning a loss myself but in a different way. I turned 59 this year and I so desire to have a grandchild. My children are not sure they even want families and I mourned for what I don't have. Our daughter lost a baby at 12 weeks into the pregnancy 8 years ago in October. They had only been married for 3 months when she found out she was pregnant. They were not ready and did not want to become parents but accepted it as best they could. When she miscarried it was more about her life then her child because she bled badly and wasn't doing well. I never really mourned for the lost child. She was okay and she really never felt the loss in the way others do. I did mourn for this baby last night. My mother passed away at 56 from a massive heart attack. She was blessed to see all of her grandchildren, our daughter being the youngest at 10 months old. I worry about never having a grandchild to hold and love. I am overweight, have COPD and high blood pressure. I wonder if I will ever get to do that but I know now that I also have a baby waiting for me in Heaven. It all hit me last night in church. I have never shared this story on my blog but I know that I will. God has placed this on my heart to share what happened and my own desires. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Have a blessed day. ((HUGS))"

I haven't shared the story of our daughters miscarriage because I never new how to explain it, the words never would form. I think that maybe I have been worried about how it would be received since she didn't feel the loss in the same way as all of you. There is nothing wrong with how she grieved, it was just her way. Obviously this is my time to share, time that was given to me from God. This blog did not come about because of what happened to our daughter. This blog came about from something that happened almost 11 years ago. Now here I am typing with tears forming in my eyes. I just received a Christmas card from my dear friends in Chicago. It's been a long time since they have sent us a card, not because they don't care about us but as you know after you lose a child your life changes.

They lost their young son to suicide, he was in the 8th grade. I immediately flew to Chicago to be with them. When I came home from that trip I had bought her a music box with the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" which is what she played for him at his funeral. I also included a handkerchief and told her that it was for her tears. I shared their story here, that is where it all began but I never knew how to get a handkerchief out to people until God gave me the insight when I started my blog Just Breathe.

In there Christmas note to us we found out that our dear friend, her husband, had a torn aorta back in February which almost killed him. This happened two weeks prior to the 10 year anniversary of their sons death. They say that 80% of the people die from this, he survived and the nurses called him a miracle. Also in their letter, something I didn't know about was that they also had twin granddaughters in September. My heart was thrilled with this news but heavy with my own wants. They were 9 1/2 weeks early, they have thrived and survived.

Then today I received a very sad but beautifully written email from a woman who lost her 24 year old son, he had taken his own life. They were celebrating their first Christmas without him and it hit me hard. She does feel blessed to know that he is in heaven and that she will be with him again. Please send her some love at Joyful Noise for a Joyful Life.

I know that God brings people into our lives when we need them and when they need us. The Christmas Eve Service, the emails I received that touched my heart, the letter from our dear friends in Chicago are all examples of Gods timing. I think of my friends in Chicago and how blessed they are now to have their two little granddaughters who are bringing joy into their lives yet I know from her letter that the pain of losing their son is ever present in their daily lives and she said it just keeps getting stronger as time goes on. This is just so sad and my heart breaks for all of the parents in our world who have to live with this pain forever in their hearts. I believe that God has a special surprise for all of you when you meet your children in Heaven. You can not live your life with so much pain and not be rewarded for it! (that is just my feeling)

I pray that all of you are blessed with happiness beyond measure for the New Year. I pray that your dreams/desires can be realized. I pray that you can feel what it's like to be blessed with your rainbow baby like so many have had this year. I want to point out Ashley at A Ruby Family who was blessed with her rainbow baby Christopher Charles this December and what this Christmas meant to her. She lost her son Nolan on June 11, 2009 and lost her brother Charles on July 13, 2010. I pray her happiness for you. ((HUGS))

Happy New Year

With all my love,

P.S. If you are in need of a handkerchief for yourself or someone you know who lost their baby/child please email me at dpucci9972@gmail.com

7 comments:

Danielle said...

Thank you so much for sharing with us. I hope you are blessed with a healthy grand baby soon. Who knows, maybe with the new year?...

mrsnice777 said...

Deby - Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry for the loss of your grandbaby and the delay of any more. ((hugz))

You've mean so much to this BLM community. I appreciate all you do and feel on our behalf!

Jamie

DeniFay said...

Oh Deby, all of this post was amazing! Thank you so much for sharing, for you support of all of us, and your love for your IRL friends! We are all blessed to have you in our lives! It is hard for me to realize that our having a baby is important to our parents too, that our losses affect them, and our expecting excited them, thanks for the perfect reminder! Happy New Year and I pray that you do have a grandchild one day, as that will be one lucky baby!!

The Blue Sparrow said...

Debby, I have to say, this post was just so touching! Thank you for trusting us enough to share that with us. I am so sorry for the loss of your grandbaby. I pray that one day you will have another to hold and give all of that love to. I know I say this to you each time I visit here, but I think what your doing with this site is amazing and God WILL bless you for it! Happy New Year to you too! (((HUGS)))

littleharves said...

debby thanks so much for sharing this, i am just so thankful that people like you are in the world, i really mean that. i am really sorry that you lost your grandchild and i hope that you will still get the chance to be one one day. in the meantime know that you are like a grand parent to so many angel babies here among us. thinking of you and sending love and hope 2011 brings you everything you want xxx anne

Holly said...

I've been away so I'm just reading your post now. It sounds like it was quite the emotional time for you. Sometimes those are just needed. My heart hurts for you that you do not have what you long for. I hope very much that one day you will get to hold a grandchild here on this earth. We all know that one day you will be able to do this in Heaven with the little one that was lost.

Traci Michele said...

God is good all the time... even amidst our suffering! Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for praying for my sister in law and her baby. Here is the latest update:

http://ordinaryinspirations.blogspot.com/2010/09/will-you-join-me-in-prayer-for-my.html

SPECIAL REQUEST: I would sincerely appreciate it if you did not share my Ministry on Facebook or Pinterest so I can continue to mail out my handkerchief's. These audiences are just too big for my small ministry.....thank you.

Blog Archive

This blog is my way of sending love to women who have unbelievable heartache after the loss of their child. I will send a handkerchief to catch all their tears. Debby

DONATIONS HAVE BEEN MADE IN MEMORY OF:

Nicholas - Sophia - Alexander
Meredith Helen
Nate
Ella
Butter
Kasey
Emma and Chase
Tristan
DeKar
Sparky & Fishy Liebman
Kennedy & Drew
Baby Whitacre
Patton Family
Ella Grace
Jake
DeKar Ezri Schmidt
Nicholas
Aidyn
Emma Hope
Baby Harp
Baby Drapcho
Baby Brown

Sent With Love To:

The Mother's of Sandy Hook who lost their children - Abigail - Alisha - Amy - Kyla - Carol - Christa - Andrea - Julia - Ashley - Angelique - Kayla - Amber - Melissa - Judy - Felicia - Veronica - Summer - Nancy - Alicia - Sydnye - Kristi - Miranda - Shawna - Rebecca - Roxanne - Bethany - Danielle - Tracie - Kate - Reva - Amber - Lizz - Cassandra - Rebecca - Lisa - Laura - Louise - Courtney - Rose - Beverly - Vicky - Regina - Debi - Sumar - Michelle - Kaitlyn - Vanessa - Megan - Jenny - Crystal - Elizabeth - Brogan - Amy - Liz - Teresa - Christina - Cate - Stephanie - Cindi - Erica - Lindsay - Ashley - Dianna - Michelle - Tiffany - Elane - Kathleen - Nicole - Brittany - Magen - Hayley - Julie - Renee - Jessica - Jamie - Rachael - Lynn - Anne - Heather - Bethany - Erica - Sarah - Tracy - Joanna - Caitlyn - Jennifer - Sarah - Donna - Candice - Kimberly - Michael - Carrie - Jessica - Norman - Larissa - Michelle - Lisa - Anthony - Erica - Jessica - Miranda - Heather - Michaela - Nikki - Alexis - Kaydence - Angi - Erica - Adrienne - Djamel - Angel - Adrena - Lauren - Christi - Katherine - Stacey - Jessica - Christina - Amanda - Stephanie - Jennifer - Sarah - Dora - Theresa - Sky - Nneka - Julie - Burton - Janetta - Judy - Crystal - Nicole - Bernadette - Leigh Ann - Janet - Mary - Haleigh - Dorothy - Melissa - Nora - Lisa - Erin - Diana - Roteavia - Veronica - Natalie - Amanda - Rose - Grace - Tiffanie - Georgia - Mercedes - Terri - Vrunda - Whitnee - Lauren - Danglam - Mariko - Te Cara - Nancy -Michelle G - Angela - Cathy - Michelle - Natasha - Ashley/Charles - Lindsay - Kathleen - Nikki - Katie - Susan - Becky - Brittany -

Sent With Love To:

Whitney - Renee - Bernadette - Melanie - Rachael - Rita - Raquel - Melissa - Joe - Gloria - Jessica - Amy - Sarah - Patty - Wendy - Regina - Marge - Lisa - Becky - Julia - Jennifer - Rachel - Brandi - Lori - Julie - Kara - Kimberly - Angelle - Alexandra - Andrea - Christy - Heather - Angela - Cheri - Logan - Dave - Cathrin - Kelly -Kent/Ronda - Chris - Melissa - Megan - Shelby - Rebecca - Amy - Hope - Rachel - Crystal - Pat - Mr.&Mrs.O'Neil - Amber - Bianca - Michaela - Debbie - Rebecca - Laura - Amanda - Kirsten - Amy - Andrea - Crystal - Anna - Deanna - Robynne - Carey - Lisa - Amanda - Candice - Sheryl - Ashley - Donna - Samatha - Caroline - Rhonda - Brandy - Brooke - April - Jenny - Rebecca - Kimberly - Janie - Brandie - Emily - Rebecca - Amanda - Becky - Shannon - Esmeralda - Patricia - Courtney - Caroline - Nicki - Meghan - Karen - Crystal - Sandra - Jeannie - Amanda - Amanda - Katie - Tesha - Laura - Stefanie - Jamie - Angie - Annie - Patti - Bonnie - Katrina - Laura - Angela - Paula - Amanda - Kaylan - Maria - Jennifer - Agnes - Teresa - Cathy - Nicki - Helen - Tabatta - Joni - Tiffany - Carrie - Jackie - Daisy - Renee - Bridget - Vanassa - Jessica - Chelsea - Mical - Keli - Catherine - Amanda - Kyla - Janie - Stacey - Angie - Tracey - Breanna - Shayne - Hazel - Ogelle - April - Tracie - Sunny - Anna - Crystal - Theresa - Alice - Ami - Ruth - Stacey - Jessica

Sent With Love To:

Karen - Kim - Jacie - Alyssa - Whitney - Tracy - Deanna -Elizabeth - Wendy - Amy - Mary - Jessica - Rebecca - Shannon - Diane - Leah - Kathryn - Paul - Lizdelia - Megan - Jodi - Jessica - Jodi - Andrea - Angie - Maridelle - Donna - Michelle - Megan - Liesel - Rita - Natasja - Stacia - Lindsy - Linda - Amber - Nancy - Amy - Cindy - Shanna - Trennia - Stephanie -Karol - Rachel - Cristina - Liana - Amanda - CarrieAnn - Carol - Dawn - Jamie - Sharon - Marinda -Angie - Anne - Natashia - Julie - Haley - Mechelle - Ginger - Christy - Kelly - Debra - Betty - Kelly - Amy - Lara - Kristi - Jodi - Hallie - Natascha - Charlotte - Mary Louise - Brittany - Kristen - Magdalina - Sheri - Elizabeth - Narelle - Dena - Kristin - Lorraine - Tenielle - Kathy - Sandie - Kristy - Hannah - Courtney - Tina - Alena - Jenny - Jennifer - Alissa - Jodi -Melissa - Mollye - Melissa - Brigette - Kim - Hina - Ashley - Sara - Doracy - Emilie - Kathleen - Melissa - Heather - Megan - Jamilyn - Kelly - Desiree - Laura - Amber -Iwona - Shelby - Brittani - Leia - Trena - Kellie - John/Sydney - Larissa - Mark - Dawn - Tiffany - Christa - Mattie - Jane - Dawn - Jennifer - Jamie - Kimberly - Jessica -Paula - Amy - Bethany - Carolyn - Rachel - Lisa - Monica - Priscilla - Lisa

Sent With Love To:

Shana - Holly - Tina - Christy - Juliet - Michele - Shalini - Brianne - Heather - Ashley - Marge - Emily - Susan - Kerry - Robin - Eliza - Cara - Kate - Jodi - Kara - Laura - Sarita - Jen - Nichole - Celia - Christina - Emalee - Heather - Mary - Leanna Nimoli - Jennifer - Danielle - Moriah - Amy - Katie - Angela - Michelle - Lindsey - Sally - Kristy - Celeste -Nicolle - Courtney - Karen - Nancy - Mirne - Lisa - Tiffany - Heather - Joyce - Andrea - Franchesca - Stephanie - Colleen - Jenna -Cristin - Laura - Malory - Angela - Rebecca - Shannon - Sara - Yelena - Selena - Heather - Lisette - Juanita - Brenda -Miss Stansberry - Crystal - Chanda - Brenda - Jill - Jennifer - Andrea - Meris - Cora - Lisa - Barbara - Michelle - Rhonda - Marina - Wendy - Sarhi - Alexxandra - Laura - Holly - Angela - Misty - Jessica - Sandy - Debbie - Heather - Crystal - Michielle - Amanda - Katy - Allison - Cori - Shandrea - Deni - Betty - Emily - Pamela - Amanda - Sarah - Krissy - April

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Thank you Jamie and Joanna for giving me this wonderful award.
Forget-Me -Not, Oh Lord! and Pregnancy, Miscarriage & Life with Chronic Pain

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